The tale of two moms


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Our daughter is bold, adventurous, and stubborn. I absolutely love these qualities about her and often ask myself if these characteristics are innate or learned. She can also be bossy and sassy. Characteristics that drive me crazy but once honed in and used appropriately these qualities will help be the key to her success.

Our daughter is adopted. I use the present tense verb “is” because, while her adoption day has come and gone, it will always be a part of her. We’ve been very open about her adoption—as open as we feel her mind and her heart can understand. And while she is typically a very inquisitive nosy child, her adoption story isn’t something that she asks about often.

Growing up with two moms can’t be easy, especially in the deep South. I say that because growing up gay in the deep South wasn’t easy and at times still is very much difficult. At times our daughter wants to tell everyone about her family dynamics. One time we were selling a sofa. My wife was in the basement showing a young couple the sofa while I was upstairs cooking dinner. As April was making arrangements for the couple to pick up the sofa, she told them that “her spouse” would be home when they came to pick it up. Our little one, 6 years old at the time, spoke up and said “Yeah, when you come you will get to meet my other mom. I have two”. Luckily, this didn’t faze them and we sold the sofa to them the next day. We mentioned to our daughter that she didn’t have to tell everyone that she had two moms.

Other times she doesn’t want to mention her two moms. A reporter asked her last summer if she’s afraid to tell her school friends that she has two moms. Her response “Yeah, I don’t like to tell my friends that.” “Why”? asked the reporter. “Well”, she said, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I mean, I have two and they only have one and I don’t want to brag”.

I can only hope, through nature or nurture, that our smart, kind, beautiful, adopted daughter grows up with the audacity to live a life that is true. As a gay kid and young adult I lied to myself and about myself. I am very optimistic that our child can be honest with herself and others about our family.

How about your child(ren)? Do they tell everyone the meet about your family?

#gay #parenting #lgbt

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